from “The d-Factor: Why You’re Not Manifesting Your Dream-life”:
“I HATE Myself!”
When I first heard this, i was really kind of shocked. How could someone say this about themselves, even in jest?
It came from a dear friend, and she was serious. Wow.
“I hate myself for feeling this way, and I hate that I even FEEL this way…!”
Her relationship was falling apart, with someone she really wanted to love…but her self-loathing kept her from being able to do so…even though she continually did everything she could do to make it work.
I discovered that she was having severe trouble with her self-image, and it was affecting every other area of her life. It made it so difficult to love, because she couldn’t love herself.
To me, this ability was VITAL to love another, at least unconditionally. Without self-love, you COULDN’T love others, unconditionally. You could TRY, but it would only be pale image of the real thing. A huge piece of the puzzle would be missing. This seemed to be a major key in creating the life you wanted, even the life you DESERVED. Without self-love, you would be looking for acceptance, or even love from an external source…the rest of your life.
This, to me, is the answer to why relationships fell apart, why you couldn’t have what you desired, and even why you keep looking for ‘HAPPINESS’…because it was a constant SEARCH…! And the search is everything. But, because it’s outside yourself, it negates your need to love yourself. It presupposes that you come in SECOND in your own life…that you don’t mind settling for that order. And, in a strangely perverted way, you feel better for putting others first.
After all, this is what has been inculcated in you, your entire life, right? You’re doing the right thing, you’re being a good human being.
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Maybe that should read “Do unto yourself, as you would do unto others.” Think about that for a second. If you put yourself FIRST, you can stop looking and NEEDING an external source for your happiness! Simple enough, right? Well, it might be the most difficult thing you’ll ever do…because it HAS been drilled into you to be happy with being second, with doing everything you can to make other’s lives easier.
The programming runs DEEP… from accepting the smaller portion of a dessert, to opening doors for strangers, to breaking your back to make your children’s lives easier for them. You are SUPPOSED to sacrifice your happiness, your own well-being for others. So, when do YOU get the larger piece of pie, the open door, the easier life? When OTHERS do unto YOU. This is a natural reciprocation, isn’t it? But, supposing they don’t fulfill their obligation to your satisfaction? THAT’S when it gets a bit sticky.